...and there was a lincoln log in me sock drawer!

Devil's food cake and cinnamon marshmallow.

Worldly Distractions

Things in the world suck right now. Talked to various family members about how much money they are no longer worth thanks to the market. The place where I live was named in Business Week as the U.S.'s most unhappy city. Another friend lost his job. I'm the only source of income in my house and we just paid rent. That cat puked on the stairs. We have new neighbors and they have a barky dog.

So, I made candy. All day.

Why did I make candy? Because I love doing it. Because it is relatively easy, requires little in the way of cash and equipment. Because there is a good effort to reward ratio. It's a skill I like to develop. There is inifinite chance to adapt, to play. I shelled and toasted my local hazelnuts for toffee. I threw some matcha in the cream for my chocolate caramels. I found inspiration for my hard candies in what I was drinking and the flavor defined the shape. I got excited with each new batch to try something more. When I looked up, I had used every silpat in the house but one, I had candy everywhere and hours had passed. And I realized, for a while, it had been ok.

I can't say we'll all be ok, I can't even say that it will get better. There may be some sort of deeper meaning to choosing lemon and bitters to flavor my hard candy, other than the fact that it tastes awesome.

Whatever the world brings, sugar is easy to clean up. Water just washes it away.

Why are marshmallows and cocoa so good together?

Is it something in the added creaminess without the addition of cream? A textural element? Nostalgia?

The cocoa was a gift, given generously by someone in my chosen (rather than birth) family. It's not handmade, the marshmallows came from who knows where, but it is all worth savoring anyway. In fact, it's delicious.

Happy Holidays.

Sometimes, the big companies can do something right

If I came up with peppermint tootsie pops, I would be livin' large now. This is hands down my favorite commercially available seasonal candy. Even more good than Cadbury mini eggs. Seriously.

Branding myself

So, what do I want to be when I grow up? Going to pastry school, I had to reevaluate what that meant for me. I came to a conclusive, absolute decision.

I am never going to know what I want to be when I grow up.

(My friends are laughing at me right now, because of how true to me this statement is.) I can make a list of things that I would like NOT to do, and some of them even relate to the food industry. The thing is lately, I'm starting to formulate an idea of what I would like to do. Or at least, aspects that I would like to incorporate into something that could become the thing that eventually is what I do.

Um, does that make sense?

It starts, of course, with the food. That is the easy part. A list is forming, recipes being played with, tested. In many ways, this is the fun part; I'm covered in terms of my living expenses, this is just time to fail, retry, succeed and just come up with wacky schemes without risk. Time to define and refine what I'm looking for.

It is a deeply personal thing, these products. They are, more than any words, a direct reflection of my heart. My spirit in sugared form. It's funny, I'm sure there are cooks out there, chefs even, who could come to this point and not see this as so deeply their own. Me, I don't know any other way to do it and have a chance for it working.

And maybe that is why this work can be so heartbreaking.

For now though, I'm still having my first crush.
(pandan ginger and lemon saffron lollipops)

My contribution to today

Everything I don't like about this cake was not my idea, so I think it's a nice little sample for a tasting. Entire cake is less than three inches wide and four inches high, to give you an idea of the size of the roses. Chocolate cake, ganache filling, wrapped in marzipan, coated in chocolate.